IV

Aku tidak lagi luka dengan pisau dan pedang tidak juga lumpuh dengan racun dan bisa ular dan kala. Aku terus kebas dan kebal. Dengan sunyi, sepi dan kejutan yang datang tiba-tiba mengetuk pintu membunuh bahagia tanpa alasan dan penjelasan. Aku terus mencari. Sampai hilang kewarasan. Yang ada bukan lagi harapan, hanya doa-doa lama bertaburan. Aku terus mencuba. Sampai hilang daya dan upaya sampai tersisa usia muda. Sampai yang tertinggal hanya rangka dan kata-kata. 

Derita

Kau tahan derita dengan air mata

Dalam diam kau tanggung segala duka

Apalagi aku yang terpaksa melihatmu begitu

pilu

Ketabahanmu lebih memeritkan hatiku

Waktuku bertandang kau sambut dengan senyuman

Walhal dalam diam kau bertahan

Aku tidak lagi berkata-kata

Kelu lidah dari bicara

Dan ketika pergi ku toleh perlahan-lahan

Ku lihat air matamu bercucuran.

I have always wanted to explore the deep jungle. Drink from the sparkling river. Breathe from the freshest air. Befriend the tiger and its cubs. I have always wanted to live in the cave. Like an uncivilized caveman. Free from social conventions. From the norms. From man. Happiness is always short-lived. Like the night-blooming. That fades away. Before we enjoy its beauty. My foe is human. My allergy is traditions. My ally is the beasts. Let the moon be my night light. And the stars my diversion. And from the tall trees I carve my home. From the hills my gardens. From the moonlight my candles. From the clouds my clothes. From the sky my bed. Where happiness is ever after. Where I live eternally.

Alone

His life is getting lonely, getting empty
Even more in the night
It yells horribly
Strangled in desolation in his room
He hates. Himself from everything
That entails women as his companion
Threats from every direction. And nearing though
In fear and anticipation he says a name
Surprised he falls seated. Who's calling?
Ah! Flaccidly he weeps: Mother! Mother!

(Translated by Affiq from the poem Sendiri by Chairil Anwar)

My Home

My home is made of poetry

So translucent and transparent

I ran away from the big mansion

I lost and led astray

In the twilight I pitched a tent

In the morning disappear it went

My home is made of poetry

The place I wed and breed

It's gonna be long I guess, but it'll come

I'm no longer craving for the dusk

Let the sweet words go scattered

When longing for the one

(Translation by Affiq from the poem Rumahku by Chairil Anwar)

Me

When my time has come

I want no one to cry

Not even you

No need for the weep and tears

I am but a wild animal

Driven out of the herd

Let bullets pierce my skin

I'll fight 'till I win

Wounds and poisons I take a flee

A flee

'Till I let pass pain and misery

And I won't give a damn tear

I want to live a thousand more years

(Translation by Affiq from the poem Aku by Chairil Anwar. )

Acold

I ask questions

On life and expectation

And why I befriend

Fear and anticipation

I went to the forest

I look for the mountains

I ask to the lord

Can I put on behold?

And on the night I came

For the cure of the pain

I hummed to the hymn

Of the birds and the rain

Should I resign

Like a defeated soldier

on a bloody battlefield?

Or should I insist

Like a spider

on a windy foothill?

I sat in the night

In the least of possible light

I found myself acold

And a self-tormented soul